a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
