how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
vagina is talking i cant
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
