i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
