I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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