Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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