she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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