It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
