i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't just leave with hair like that
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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