checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
