My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Couch. On fire.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
