I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
