That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
