Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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