all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
