Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
