I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
