Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
