When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My breasts were aching with rage.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
