I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
