JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
