He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
