member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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