Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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