I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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