Moan for me like Helen Keller
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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