My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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