Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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