It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
