i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
