Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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