So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
