Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
