Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
