My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So apparently I’m into choking now
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