I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A bitchslap is in order.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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