I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
