I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
