come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
