my phone needs a breathalizer
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
