stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
