maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
