maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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