Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
