I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
