I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
