Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
