life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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