she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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