why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
