I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
