I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
