420 ftw
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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