Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
