dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
