Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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