In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You're like the curious george of whores
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
