Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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