A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
