I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
