i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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