Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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