dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
