need another drink. this is the easiest way
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
