now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This toilet bowl is my home.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
