turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
