don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
