hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
