Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
