I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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