Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We got so high we made milksteak
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
