Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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