i wish there were pregnant emoticons
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
