This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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