halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
