Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
